Two Monks and a Woman

After reading Yolanda’s comments about an ex who still lingers in her memory after he had left her about a year ago, I decide to post this story for her:

A senior monk and a junior monk were travelling together. Towards midday, they came to a river. As they are about to cross the river, they spotted a young, beautiful woman. When the woman asked the monks for help to cross the river, the senior monk obliged and carried her across on his shoulder.  He set her down on the opposite shore and carried on his journey with the junior monk without saying a word. The junior monk seemed upset and perturbed by the whole incident.

After a long walk, the senior monk noticed that the junior monk was particularly quiet and asked, “You seemed upset. Is something bothering you?”

The junior monk replied, “We monks had taken a vow of celibacy and are not permitted to have any contact with a woman and especially not the physical kind.  How could you carry her on your shoulders?”

“Hmm, I have left her on the riverbank hours ago, yet you are still carrying her in your mind.” replied the senior monk.

In retrospect, Yolanda, you can choose the path of the senior monk, who had embrace the situation of the moment and continue to live in the present after leaving the woman on the river bank. Or you could be like the junior monk who is still carrying the baggage of the past.

The choice is yours. This is your life. If you put down the baggage, you may move ahead faster and there may be many wonderful things ahead in your life and they are expecting you. Are you ready to embrace the moment and live life to the fullest?

The choice, ultimately, is still yours…

The Men Rules: A Woman’s Instant Guide to the Mindset of Men [Part 1]

The following are a set of rules. These rules does speak for the majority of the male population (men who don’t think so are welcome to comment). Whoever wrote this is brilliant. It is periodically splashed across the internet but I can’t seem to pinpoint to the original author (though I would readily acknowledge his work and his brilliance).

Women who are seeking to know men better would find theses rules helpful. Women who chose to ignore these rules do so at their own risk. All rules are numbered as #1, so I presume they are of equal importance.

1. Breasts are for looking at and that’s why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

[This is the first on the list, so it must be the most important rule. Only a fraction of men will admit to this. Those who do are the real men. Those who don’t are liars, are afraid to admit it and try to act “holier than thou”. Ladies, stay away from these men.]

1.  Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

[Folks, don’t be surprise how much of an issue this could be…]

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of tides. Let it be.

[This is a favorite. Sports is rather sacred to men. Of course, this doesn’t apply to fags.]

1. Shopping is NOTa sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

[This is consistent with the above rule. And for men who suffer from self-esteem problems, who need to modify their car to impress girls cos they don’t have the self confidence or the looks, modifying your car is NOT a sport either, you loser.]

1. Crying is blackmail.

[This one speaks for itself.]

More rules to come…

Two Screen Legends for the Price of One

DeNiro and Pacino Reunited. Two of the finest actors of their generation. Two of my favorites.

This will be their third collaboration. Their first was in 1974. The movie was Godfather Part II. DeNiro played Pacino’s father and appeared in flashbacks. Back then, they were both not so known Italian American actors.

Today, they are screen icons.

They never shared a scene together. Not until 21 years later.
In 1995, they both starred in a cops and robbers thriller, Heat where they shared two brief scenes together.

Between them, they shared 3 Oscars and 11 nominations.

Next year, they will be collaborating again on a new movie called Righteous Kill.

I am looking forward to it. Hopefully, there will be more screen time between DeNiro and Pacino. But I know there will be lots of testosterone-filled moments in the movie.

I can’t wait.

How to Deal with Your Boyfriend When His Favorite Team is On a Losing Streak…

It has been a bad stretch for my favorite team as they have just registered their 6th lost. 6 losses in a row for a promising team that was in the NBA conference finals last season? I find it hard to accept.

And to make matters worse, most girls do not understand the importance of sports to men.

So, for the ladies out there who have to deal with the everyday reality of your boyfriend sulking because his favorite team loses, here are some tips to deal with it.

Ok, one important tip is not to say anything smart like “sports are about wins and loses”. Because, the most likely answer you get (with a grunt) is “Yeah? I know. How about my team wins and other team loses?”

Take the low road and remember, the keyword is: COMPASSION. You are dealing with a very sensitive subject here.

Be there for your partner. It hurts. Like death in the family. Lend them your ears. Let them whine. Help them get over it. Never laugh or chastised them. Never use the word “condolences”.

Unless you want to risk the relationship. Or see a man experience PMS.

Don’t force the issue. If they don’t want to talk about it, fine. Just stay with them.

Divert his attention to something else. Perhaps a hobby that he had neglected. Something which he likes and had not done for a long time like a night out with his buddies or fishing.

Cheer him out. Treat him to a night out. A movie or dinner would be good. Tell him it is his evening and he get to make choices where and when to go. Just make it clear that it is on you.

And lastly, don’t try to understand this erratic behavior. It is a testosterone thing. It just how real men are wired. Those who take their sports seriously. And their team.

Shoe Marks on Toilet Seats

   

Two things that piss me off the most about public washrooms in malls across the city are the presence of female cleaners and shoe marks on toilet seats.

Cleanliness of toilets is important no doubt and the cleaners are there to ensure that. But not when it becomes a place where they meet and chat. I even caught one trying to peek at me while I was taking a leak. I kid you not folks. And it’s not even funny.

The other thing that I really don’t get is the barbaric act of treating every single toilet as a squat toilet even in new malls where pristine, clean and shiny toilet seats are new and unseasoned. This is 2008 and there are many uncivilized people running around town.

New toilets seats have scratches and marks left behind by the pressure caused by the soles of shoes. If only there were a device that would automatically jab ones butt when it detects the presence of shoes on toilet seats. That would be cool and I would be laughing. J

Then, there are some uncivilized bozos who smoke in mall toilets.

Guys and Romantic Comedies

Men on the majority enjoy testostorone-filled movies that is chock full of violence, gore and action. When Gladiator hit the screen, it was a huge success with men for all its fight scenes, machoism and ‘honor’ themes.

What is a guy’s take on romantic comedies (romcom for short)? You guys can’t ONLY be watching flicks that you like and leave the women out. I mean, if a woman agrees to watch a ‘guy flick’ with you doesn’t mean she enjoys the movie. It only means that she wants you to enjoy the movie and be happy.

To make a relationship work, and to earn “extra points” from a woman you are dating, watching a romcom is one way to ignite a romantic realtionship. And there’s mothing better than a quiet evening watching a romcom DVD with your date.

Here, I present you my Top 10 Favorite Romantic Comedies:

1. The Lake House

2. 50 First Dates

3. Love, Actually

4. The Wedding Singer

5. Bridget Jones’ Diary

6. Four Weddings and A Funeral

7. Sleepless In Seattle

8. As Good As It Gets

9. Joe Vs the Volcano

10. While You Were Sleeping

Love or Compatibility?

It started with Jasmine’s proposal to Honey Bee to date some older women for research and blogging purposes:

Jasmine: well… since dating older women is a popular trend now, i was just curious to know how it’s like. I thought you would too.

Honey bee: why don’t u date a schoolboy and find out?

Jasmine: i would…but that’s illegal.

Honey bee: i m not curious. Get one who’s 18.

Jasmine: even that… i won’t consider. Not even 23.

Honey bee: y?

Jasmine: not even 24. get it now?

Honey bee: ahh, immaturity

Jasmine: Why would I find someone to babysit when i have lots of real babies and kids to play with?

i am not into babysitting big babies

Honey bee: n someone said i was picky

u just took one big baby for ring shopping that day.

Jasmine: yea…that’s for charity. He was getting ready to propose to his gf and I got to pick out the ring. And he is 28, by the way.

Honey bee: 28 is still too young?

Jasmine: it’s not about numbers. You didn’t see how he acted at the jewelry store. i almost walked out.

Honey bee: really? what did he do?

Jasmine: You would think if someone is ready to propose and get a ring, he would have done some basic research. Come on… google about rings. Or at least find out what style she likes. I don’t mean to know the exact ring she wants. But at least have a basic idea.

Honey bee: yup i agree

does he have the ring size?

Jasmine: there…!!! you just nailed it.

no ring size!

Honey bee: haha

Jasmine: and we were there to buy an engagement ring…hello??? What was he thinking?

Honey bee: he was also wasting your time

Jasmine: sigh…steal a ring from her jewelry box.

measure her finger when she’s asleep.

cut her finger.

just do something

Honey bee: yeah… just do n imprint will do

Jasmine: sometimes little things show a lot about someone

Honey bee: it does

especially to women

Jasmine: it made me wonder… did he wake up one morning and thought it would be a great day to buy a ring?

Honey bee: women are more meticulous

maybe he did

Jasmine: ask u one question. is it love or compatibility? which one?

Honey bee: what do u mean?

Jasmine: when two people decide to be together, “fall” in love and get married. which one is more important? love or compatibility?

Honey bee: initially love

then some level of compatibility will develop or else they would fall out of love

Jasmine: aha

Honey bee: its like an orbital thing

boy meet girl

boy falls in love w girl

boy n girl dates

know more abt each other

helps each other grow.

if the balance tips, then sooner or later they will fall out

i think it is a complimentary relationship

Jasmine: see… something is really wrong with me…i have long since believe in that “routine”

although i know that’s how things work most of the time

Honey bee: not always

that’s a common way of looking at it

it could work in reverse

or it could start in the middle

there are not hard n fast rules

Jasmine: the problem with feelings and love is… they come and go

Honey bee: yup, the real test is after the feeling is gone

Jasmine: exactly…

Honey bee: companionship comes in

Jasmine: so the way i like to put it is: fall in love for the right reasons

Honey bee: u still enjoy each others company n do things together. well, sometimes u r not in control when it comes to love.

now it’s the question of logic vs feelings

Jasmine: yes and no. because if you know what you are looking for, you are naturally attracted to some people and not others

when you don’t know what you want, then you don’t stand a chance of falling in love for the right reasons.

Well folks out there, what’s your say on this?

How to Tell a Girl That You Like Her

You have known a girl for a while or you’ve just met a girl and think that she’s the one. You want to tell her you like her. Before you take the plunge, here are some things you might want to consider:

1. Prepare yourself. Do whatever it takes to make you feel confident of yourself. You don’t have to be as good looking as Tom Cruise or George Clooney but you must look presentable.

2. Know what you want to say beforehand. Be confident and sure of yourself. That alone would speak volumes for you.

3. Whether her response is positive, negative or indifferent, be ready for whatever comes. Being poise and calmly help you get into her good books eventually. Whining like a sore loser will not change the situation if things are not working out.

4. Be frank and straight to the point. Being wishy-washy and beating around the bush will make you look like a wimp. Once you are in front of her, you have already committed yourself to telling her how you feel.

5. Never make her feel like she owes you anything. She will become really uncomfortable. Anyway, nobody owes you anything.

6. Always be prepared to lose her. If she does not reciprocate your feelings, take it like a man. It’s not the end of the world. There are many more fishes in the sea. Unless of course, if you live in a small village in the Amazon jungle where there are only two females – the girl you are targeting and her grandmother.

7. Your life must not revolve around her and her alone. If you don’t have a life, get a life. Having other interests and hobbies will make you look more appealing and multi-dimensional.

8. The biggest no-no before the start of a relationship is to fantasize about your ‘girl to be’ before anything serious or romantic happens. You don’t want the girl to get the impression that you are a desperate or worse, a sexual deviant.

9. Never ever come on too strong. Most often than not, men likes to jump the gun. Often impatient, they want to move to third base before they even start pitching [see no. 8 above].

10. The best way to express your feelings is through your action because action speaks louder than words. Make her feel your emotions and she will express her love for you. Patience is a virtue. Make use of it.

Should a Woman Ask a Guy Out On a Date?

There are two differing schools of thought on this. The first school advocates that the GUY should take the first initiatives and should call and ask the girl for a date.

The other school, more apparent in recent times, has a more liberal view where either party may the first move, depending on the situation.

What if you wait for him to ask you out but he never does? Does it mean, he is not into you? Or is he plainly shy? Or he is a novice at the dating game and knows not what to do?

Through forums and interviews with men on the idea of being asked out on a date, the response is pretty positive. Most of the men I have spoken to actually welcome the idea.

Like men, women also fear rejection when asking men out. They also risk being perceived as desperate, which would not necessarily be the case. Most men will think that you are sure of yourself and just getting what you want.

It also takes lots of pressure off men. A lot of men do not have a clue on dating women.

If you feel that it’s a lot of hard work asking a guy out, you could drop some subtle hints. Make as if you are helping him to date you by ‘opening the door’.

You could try something like “how about we get together for coffee some time?” Leave your contact number and walk away.
It might take a while before he calls. Two to three weeks lead time is normal, because he might be busy and have stuffs to handle.

There are no hard and fast rules and the best is to play by ear.

Am I In Love With Her?

 

 

Mr. K confided in me about a girl he is crazy about. He longs to see this girl all the time and thinks of her all day long. He has known her for 10 years now, since puberty.He showered praises about her and wants her to be his girl friend. Thank you K, for your question.

I do not know how your relationship was with this girl back in school. How did she feel about you then? Have you been in contact ever since? How does she feel about you now? Men are brilliant in many things but when it comes to questions on love and that special someone, they can be a little lost and totally in the dark. I guess that is why they call this phenomenon “head over heels”.

I have been poised with questions like this many times. Boy goes to social function. Boy meets girl. Girl is nice, friendly, and polite to Boy and makes boy feel like a million dollars. Boy thinks about Girl day and night ever since. Boy conjures image of Girl being ‘his Girl’ and fantasizes about being with her all the time. Boy wants to make her happy forever. That is what Boy is conjuring in his mind.

Now, flip the coin over. Does Girl feel the same way as Boy does?

If the feeling is mutual, then, there is a possibility of something beautiful developing. But life doesn’t always work like that. That is why Shakespeare’s Mid Summer Night’s Dream is so real because the person you love may not love you back.

The precise definition for what Boy is going through is known as ‘infatuation’ which the Merriam Webster dictionary defines as “to fill with a foolish or excessive love or admiration”, which is exactly what Boy is going through.

This first stage of falling in love causes an unbearable attraction towards someone. It creates a chemical reaction in the body which makes Boy’s world go round, eyes sparkle and heart beats faster. Boy’s entire existence then depends on the sight of Girl, who triggered these reactions in Boy. As the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, Boy’s attraction becomes stronger.

At this stage Boy will do the most foolish acts imaginable. Infatuation = foolish or excessive love or admiration. Think about this for a moment. Stop conjuring images of the perfect love situation.

Does she know that you exist? If she does, does she care? Does she want you to be the man to make her ‘happy forever’? It is natural for someone who is infatuated to ‘jump the gun’ and have the whole situation blow up in his face.

First of all, you need to move away from the infatuation stage. Get a grip of yourself because, remaining in this stage clouds your judgment and frighten her away. You will come across as a stalker.

Make the initial contact. Test water. Make some excuses to call her. Don’t be too obvious. Then, if she responds well, ask her out for a date, preferably not the run-of-the-mill candle light dinner variety. Maybe something more unique like a visit to the aquarium or trying out a new restaurant [you must go check out the food at the restaurant, then pretend it’s your first time. That way, you won’t make a fool of yourself if the service there sucks or the food is inedible].

From here you will get an idea if she likes you and give you an opportunity to present yourself [yes, like a sales pitch. If you hate selling, that’s just too bad].

You will be able to gauge from your first date whether she is into you [at least some indication – refer to Jasmine’s entry to find out more]. If you can’t gauge, you must be some kind of a block head who have been living in a cave. Man, we are in the information era, where information is readily accessible, so don’t be a lazy dude and do your research.

Well, come back for more tips once you can get to this stage. It is not difficult but for some, it is not easy too. For you, you need to get pass your infatuations. Otherwise, it’s a no win situation.

Wise men say “only fools rush in…”

10 Things a Guy Does When He Is Into You

Women are usually more sensory acute than men. They are more intuitive in detecting emotions and when a guy is interested. But there are times that you will meet a guy who is overly shy and discreet in expressing his feelings.

For the ladies out there who are curious (and sometimes clueless) as to how a guy feels about you, here are some signs/indications. Bear in mind, these are only indications and you need to calibrate his behaviors before making your conclusions:

1. He will be distracted when you are nearby and will steal glances at you and if you do notice him, he might look inconspicuous and pretends to look elsewhere.

2. He laughs at your jokes even if they are lame and no one laughs. If he is the office idiot, this one doesn’t count.

3. He may get nervous and stutters when he speaks to you [provided that he does not stutter in normal circumstances]. This is akin to the phenomenon when one gets tongue tied, head over heels and world got turned upside down. It has something to do with the bodily chemicals when one is in love.

4. He listens to you and remembers everything that you say, no matter how insignificant or crappy those things are.

5. He makes time and does little tasks and favors when you ask him. Just make sure that he is not the office ‘doormat’ that does things for everybody.

6. He notices new things about you and compliments you on your new hairdo, new dress, new shoes, etc.

7. He appears jealous when you are with another guy. According to Dr. David Buss in his book, The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love and Sex, jealousy is a defense shield of love that men use to fend off constant threat from rivals and the possibility of betrayal from a partner.

8.  He treats you a little different than how he treats other girls. Somehow, because he thinks of you a lot, he subconsciously displays more affection for you without realizing it.

9.  He talks and looks at you differently than other people. It could be a longer eye contact or a more distinct smile when he talks to you.

10. When you are conversing with him and your friends, he responds mostly to you and not so much to your other friends. He looks at you whenever you speak and he may act as if your other friends do not really exist.

With all being said, the most ideal way to find out is to ask him if he is interested in you or drop hints. Anyway, most girls are pretty intuitive. If you get the feeling that he likes you, he probably does.

A special message to Valerie, who wrote in with this question: I hope this will help and all the best to you.

Love and Honor

Love and Honor is the title of the most recent samurai flick that I have watched. Bushi no Ichibun, [the Japanese title which means ‘part of being a warrior’], is the third installment of a Yoji Yamada’s samurai based on Shuhei Fujisawa’s novels. The story is about Shinojo Mimura, a low ranking samurai during the Edo period in Japan who is a food taster for the shogun. His modest but peaceful life was disrupted when the food he tasted was poisoned and as a result he lost his sight.

Losing his sight also means losing his job and livelihood. His wife seeks the help of a high ranking official to save his position. In return, she gets sexually harassed. To defend her honor, blind Shinojo sets up a duel with the high ranking official.

Crime rate is on the rise and the folks who are supposed to “serve and protect” are taking a very apathetic attitude towards it. Especially rampant are sex related crime.

As far as I am concerned, sexual deviants and rapist are an insult to men. Even in prison, they are considered pariahs and often get beaten up by other inmates. I don’t know whether there is honor among thieves but the guy who robs may think that he is doing it to feed his family. What of the sexual deviants? To satisfy some primitive cravings?

What happen to the good old wooing of women where the thrill of the chase is the chase itself?

Men are ranked higher than animals and beasts because of their power to reason. To make rational decisions and take responsibilities. It is this ability to response that separates men from beasts. Yet there are many borderline beasts out there who display more animalistic characteristics and think with their sexual organs instead of their brains. They resort to force to get their way with women.

I know some folks who are constantly dating women and getting laid. I respect that. They work for it. Mutual consent. Both parties are happy and no one gets hurt. Even folks who pay for it [though I don’t endorse this]. Business transaction. Mutual consent. Both parties are happy and no one gets hurt.

But to force it on someone and create a lot of physical pain and emotional anguish is definitely low life. And inhuman. The sad part is these cases are out there and the folks who are supposed to “serve and protect” are apathetic. Maybe they will wake up if the victims of these heinous crime happen to be someone they love or someone close to them.

I believe what we are reading in the media are only a tip of the iceberg. What about the unreported cases?

Maybe we should go back to the days of vigilantes and mob justice. For love…and honor.

How To Trim Nostril Hair

 

THINGS YOU’LL NEED:

Mirror

Scissors

Nostril Hair Trimmers

 

Step 1

Stand in front of a mirror with a pair of small scissors in your hand.

 

Step 2

Lean your head back slightly and tug up the edge of one nostril.

 

Step 3

Carefully clip away any extraneous hair with the scissors. Clip the hair close to its base, if possible.

Step 4

Look in the mirror and inspect your work. Touch up if necessary.

 

Step 5

Repeat with other nostril.

 

Step 6

Wipe your nose and wash the scissors.

 

TIPS & WARNING:
-You can use electric hair trimmers instead of scissors.

-Avoid putting the scissors too far into your nose.

-Cutting the inside of your nose hurts. Be cautious with the scissors.

 

(courtesy of ehow.com)

Grooming Tips for Men (Part 1)

1. Dressing up

Decent, presentable clothes will do. You don’t need to go out and get an Armani. Not even if your date is Halle Berry [substitute with the name of your favorite celeb]. Choose fitting clothes. I know a lot of skinny people who like to wear two shirts just to look bulkier. It doesn’t work. It just makes you look like a parcel from Fedex. Trust me, I was skinny once.

Your shirt should be iron and pressed. I know some folks who have their shirts folded in their wardrobe instead of hanging it up with a hanger. And they walk around town wearing a shirt with fold lines all over. You can even play tic-tac-toe on their shirts.

If your shirt has pockets, leave them empty if possible. Keep all geeky toys like Palm Pilots, PDAs and mobile phones elsewhere. If you wear a belt, remember that a belt is (1) a fashion accessory and (2) to hold your pants together. Hang nothing there. You are not Batman or some building contractor who needs his tools close by.

Keep the color of your pants simple. If in doubt, wear black. And stay away from leather, corduroy or plaid material. And keep bulky stuffs and thick wallets away from your pants pocket.

You should dress to accentuate your confidence and not to impress. I can go on and on about dressing but I will leave it at that for now.

2. Hair style

Hair should be neat and be in places where it should be. Avoid being too overly adventurous with hair styles unless you intend to limit the choice of dates. Spotting a Mohican cut, pony tail or something green will definitely reduce your options.

If your hair is thinning or your hairline is receding, you might want to consider doing a Michael Jordan and shave it bald. Baldness may be an issue for men especially when one gets older. It may impact your confidence. Think of Kevin Spacey or Jack Nicholson, balding, yet so sure of themselves.

If you spot facial hair, make sure they are kempt and tidy. And nostril hairs should not be noticeable at ALL TIMES. Protruding nostril hair has got to be the second most disgusting thing to appear on a human face after tattooed eyebrows.

We Need Our Space…

How pathetic possessive can your friend get, Jasmine? We men need our space and some downtime where we just retreat back to our ‘cave’ and do guy stuff. Your friend should chill out and not overreact.

Don’t expect a guy to whisper sweet nothings all the time and send SMSes, phone calls, etc. Relationship moves in stages and there will come a time when we move to a stage where we each need some space on our own.

Too many calls and SMSes will crowd us out and may be detrimental to the relationship. If your friend is a novice in relationship, this is one thing she needs to understand. Stop whining!

It’s a Testosterone Thing

NBA season opens tomorrow. The cable TV here sucks because it shows nothing but recycled soap dramas and football.

Women often lament about men’s attachments to sports and their favorite team. Well, ladies, it’s a testosterone thing. It’s just like facial hair and hairy chest. Don’t TRY to understand. Just accept it.