Long Distance Relationships…the Pros and the Cons

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“Oceans apart, day after day and I slowly go insane, I hear your voice on the line but it doesn’t stop the pain.

I see you next to never, how can we say forever”

Richard Marx’s rendition of Right Here Waiting speaks volumes for long distance relationships.

But, just like other kinds of relationships, I believe long distance relationships can survive if both parties make the effort to keep the spark alive.

If you ask those people who have been in long distance relationships before, they would most likely mention about the tears, the loneliness, the heartaches, the misunderstandings, the sleepless nights, the I-miss-him/her-so-much syndrome, and the long phone calls.

On the other side, successful long distance relationships which ended in rewarding, satisfying partnerships and happy marriages do exist in reality and are no fairy tales.

Long distance relationships aren’t for everybody. If you are someone who ranks physical intimacy over emotional connection, long distance relationships may be extremely challenging to you.

Or perhaps you are someone who treasures spending quality time and engaging in fun activities with your lover more so than having deep, meaningful conversations, exchanging thoughts and ideas, and sharing life experiences together, you might want to think twice before entering a long distance relationship.

However, if you believe he/she is “The-One” you have been waiting for all your life and you couldn’t possibly imagine finding someone else who touches your heart like he/she does, I would say: Be brave and go for it – don’t let the distance stop you. After all, it’s better to find out the answer yourself than to wonder about what-ifs or regret later in your life.

Pros:

1.) The passion is more manageable.

Since you don’t see each other often, you are more likely to be able to keep the fire under control. The symptoms of infatuation in the early stage are less severe than an average relationship. You are also less likely to confuse lust with love.

2.) You really get to know someone at a deep, meaningful level and the emotional bonding is strong.

Many couples in a common relationship setting are merely “activity partners” during the courting stage. This is all they do: dine, wine, party, movies, and cuddle on the couch. They might see each other all the time but that doesn’t mean they really know and understand each other deeply. In a long distance relationship, you spend hours doing nothing but communicating, which then leads to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

3.) You learn to appreciate the precious moments you spend together and not take things for granted – the person you love and your relationship.

4.) You learn to be self content but also, at the same time, receive emotional support from the one you love and care.

5.) The both of you can focus on self development/career building. One should never stop growing and learning. Being in a long distance relationship allows you to maintain an active lifestyle and engage in various exciting programs, which will only enrich your life and make you that more attractive and intriguing.

6.) You build a strong trust foundation for the relationship, which is crucial in any relationship. You learn how to control your jealousy and not let your great imagination run wild. If you realize you can’t trust that person, no matter how hard you try or want to, that simply means your relationship is unhealthy to begin with – long distance or short distance.

Cons:

1.) Loneliness/emptiness. Yes, there will be tons of moments when you feel lonely and wish he/she was there with you, especially during those cold nights.

2.) Emotionally stressful. Face the truth, my friend – keeping a relationship alive across the miles is HARD WORK. Whoever tells you otherwise is a liar – don’t trust him and ever talk to him again.

3.) No physical intimacy. No hugs. No kisses. No holding hands. No cuddling in bed. No touch at all. Can you really survive?

4.) Misunderstandings and conflicts are often very challenging when they do happen. Or in some cases, they could even be irresolvable for days, weeks, or even months. Why? Imagine if he/she is upset with you and refuse to talk to you (won’t answer your calls, text messages or emails). Serious communication breakdown. What would you do? What could you do? You are miles away… It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

5.) You won’t be able to be there for each other during unpredictable events or crises, no matter how much you want to or wish to. Of course, you can always make arrangements to accommodate such situations. However, just keep the distance in mind – you won’t be able to be there for him/her immediately.

6.) Financial burden. Anticipate the high phone bills. And also, transportation funds to see your sweetheart, in person.

Long distance relationships can work. However, it takes an enormous amount of effort, commitment, trust, and love to succeed, not to mention mental maturity, emotional stability, and courage.

In most cases, when a long distance relationship breaks down or ends in failure, the couple puts the blame on the “distance.” However, I believe that the “distance” merely intensifies the core problem of the relationship – it itself is not the problem.

It (the distance) allows you to see the true problem of your relationship clearly and forces you to face it … for better, or for worse.

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41 thoughts on “Long Distance Relationships…the Pros and the Cons

  1. hello,
    My question to you are;
    1. did you experience this yourself?
    2. does your points of cons comes from the aspect of love or attachement/lust/like/infactuation?

    a few quotes to share: 😉
    1. the quickest way to recieve love is to give love, the fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly, and the best way to
    keep love is to give it wings.
    2. detechment is not dispassion nor is it indifference. It is also not an absence of love. In fact, it takes great love to be
    detached. In its deepest form, love can only be detached.
    (we need to be detached to take care of my parents in their old age and watch them age slowly, to be with them and
    love them wiithout suffering despair. We need to be detached to let our child go when he or she is ready to leave the nest.)
    Vijay Eswaran – In the sphere of silence

    Personally i would say that the cons are mostly self inflicted problems where one is insecure of his/her ownself. I always thought that long distance would be a killer to me as i am a very kinesthetic. Somehow, i am surprised how my boyfriend and i can feel so near despite the distance between us. Even our friends said that his presence is so strong along with me although he is not physically here. It all came from love. Pure love.

    love
    kitti 😉

    • Hello, I am just curious about your post, particularly when you said that “mostly all the cons are self-inflicted problems”. I wish you could elaborate that for me.. because in your posted comment, there were no justifications about what you have said.

      Hoping for an enlightenment. Thank you!

  2. Thanks Kitti, especially the wonderful quotes.

    Yes, I was in a long distance relationship that lasted for four years. It didn’t end in a marriage but was one of the most rewarding relationships ever. It helped me grow tremendously and made me a better person. I have no regrets.

    Yes, I totally agree with you – the problems/ challenges commonly faced in a long distance relationship are mostly self inflicted. In the ending of my post, I stressed that “the ‘distance’ merely intensifies the core problem of the relationship – it itself is not the problem. It (the distance) allows you to see the true problem of your relationship clearly and forces you to face it.”

    If the core problem of the relationship is lack of trust or good communication, the relationship would be rough or stormy – no matter the distance. The distance however allows the core problems to surface quicker or in a more obvious form.

    It’s refreshing and wonderful to hear that your long distance relationship is going well, as it is challenging and not many people are able to handle it with great maturity and care.

    I’m happy for you. Keep it up.

    ~Jasmine

  3. nice post…I agree that theres always a pros and cons on a long distant relationship. But i believe also that in a relationship there a commitment and if theres a commitment there a fidelity and once that established loyalty comes in.In a relationship theres always 2 partner or person who work this out.I think if those element (commitment, fidelity, and loyalty) are present in a relationship no one ever can destroy a relationship.And with the technology that is present to us now you may not feel that your away to the one you love.

  4. love this article…make me more understand to make long relationship with my Chouchou..
    Indonesia and Switzerland will be not too far to us.
    a lot of friends told me long distance its not work but i believe in God, love and Miracle. even sometimes very hard to me when i feel really miss him and i just smile then cried..
    but when i read ur article, i know now…its was something amazing with heart to make a long distance relationship..
    thx for article..

    Love
    Ayu Shilley
    Bali, Indonesia

  5. wel,long distance relationship can be very challenging end stressful i should admit.I am in a LDSR and i should mention that iam very happy en looking forward to our future………its the hup of this beta future with him that makes every day of us apart worth it.i alwaz say its for the strong at heart en for those who want to forgo the pleasures of the present for those of the future.

    kasy

  6. hello everyone my names is laura and me and this guy i have been talking want to do the pro and cons of being together we dont get to see each other and i think thats the only thing that makes him think twice and he is also joining the army and will be going over to iraq.. i told him that i love him to much to just give up on him i dont care how long it takes i will wait for him. He told me yesterday that he has fallen in love with me and he wants to be with me but we dont get to see eachother he works 2 jobs and has 3 kids and in the middle of a divorce…i dont know what to do ( i know what i wanna do and that is be with him no matter what) but what should i say to him i read through what everyone had to say but it still not enough

    Im sorry if this makes no since or just rambles on

  7. Thanks for sharing your story, Laura. I think it’s a beautiful thing that both of you have fallen in love with each other.

    I have a friend who is in the army and will also be going to Iraq too. It’s hard for us, commoners, to fully understand the committment and pressure they face and the emotions they experience. I suppose, it’s not easy for someone who will be fighting in battlefield soon to give his promise. I know you love him very much and will do whatever it takes to be with him. However, loving him at this moment may mean giving him what he needs most. Perhaps he feel more comfortable leaving for Iraq without having started a relationship with you. Perhaps that will help him focus better on his tasks and face his new life in Iraq.

    You also mentioned that he is in the middle of a divorce. Perhaps he is trying to protect you from getting hurt while sorting things out with his soon-to-be-ex-wife.

    We all have a tendency to love someone in our own ways. But sometimes, we need to love someone the way that person wants to be loved. Perhaps, during this difficult moment, show and prove to him that you can support and love him, eventhough if you are just friends. Give him space and time – I am sure that will translate into respect and faith to him.

  8. Amazing article, I liked how you started it off by quoting that amazing song which I’m listening to as I type this.

    I agree with you on every single statement you have made. I am currently in a long-distance relationship (9 months in 9 days) and I am deeply in love with this girl. We have had chemistry for over 6 years back from high-school but we didn’t make it official until December ’07. I go to school in the U.S. and she lives in South America. My parents live in Argentina so I go back for the summer and for winter breaks. That makes it a total of 4 months that I see her every year.

    This summer was truly special for us. We trusted each other since we met in 2002, so it was not a difficult decision to get into a LDRS. After spending 3 months, we have noticed how solid and unconditional our love is, to a point where we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. At first I thought we were being immature adolescents, and that it was something almost every couple says. But I have realized that I cannot live without this girl, and she claims the exact same thing. Of course, we argue and get into petty fights, but we get over those really easily. I am absolutely aware she is not cheating on me, as I am not cheating on her either. Therefore I believe our long-distance is close to perfect. Or is it…?

    I got back to Phoenix a few weeks ago and the change from being with her every day, and, as you wrote, cuddling, kissing, hugging and what not, is really drastic. It has taken a toll on me for sure.

    I have given up an internship with Merrill Lynch (an investment bank in New York) because I just do not want to be away from her for the summer (this internship is for summer ’09).
    I was originally going to graduate on May 2010, but I am taking more classes now in order to graduate in December 2009 because I just want to go back with her to Argentina until she graduates in May 2010 (we are exactly the same age).

    We have discussed our future. In case I get a job here in the US, she said she would do anything to be with me, even if that is moving here with me (pretty serious huh?)

    So you ask, what’s wrong in this relationship?

    Well, the problem is that, IT ISN’T! We have been close to perfect for the past 8 months, communication is great: we call each other like 3 times a week, text every day (I couldn’t agree more with you with the financial burden); we trust each other like no other; we have SO many things in common it’s almost creepy; we have the same expectations about us, and our personalities fit perfectly (at least I think).
    I see my relationship as too fragile. If something happens to us that may, in some way, affect how we both think of ourselves (i.e. she might become attracted to another guy, or she might get bored of the relationship). Why am I thinking negatively? Well, try realistically. My brother was in a 4-and-a-half year relationship, they loved each other, everyone thought they were going to get married, but the girl got bored apparently. Trust me, I know of many other cases but they are pointless now.

    Ok…
    Now my questions to you, Jasmine:
    – Did I do the correct thing on declining this internship that was absolutely going to help me in my future? Should I prioritize my emotional life or my opportunities in life in order to build a career?
    – Is it normal to compare different relationships with one’s relationship? I mentioned to her about my brother’s relationship and she hates it when I do it. I just cannot stop telling her how much I DO NOT want our relationship to end up like my brother’s, she doesn’t appreciate it at all, calling me “negative” and “insecure”. Am I worthy of those adjectives?
    – I tend to misunderstand things pretty often, and always thinking those things will affect our relationship. For example, she didn’t say “I love you” before hanging up, or the fact that I am the one who texts more (since we live in different countries, we text each other from the Web to our mobiles, so our messages aren’t your typical IMish or MSN-esque style; they are not conversational but rather informative and affective). My question is: how can I stop misunderstanding things? Is this a sign of insecurity or immaturity? Or maybe it is a normal thing?

    I’m sorry if it is a really long post. I just haven’t talked to anyone who has been in a long-distance relationship and for some reason I feel I can talk to you and get some advice as opposed to asking my friends and have them criticizing my being in an overseas relationship.

    Thank you X1,000,000

    Danny

  9. Uh, I’ve never written into this type of thing before, I’m actually surprised at how many long distance relationships there are in the world. Right now I’m in a (you guessed it) long distance relationship with a boy I met in summer about 4 months ago. I have never ever believed in the whole “love at first sight thing” but I’m a very self aware person, and I knew my feelings for him were vastly different than for anyone else I have ever met. I think i fell in love with him the second day I knew him.

    So, obviously he has to live in Scotland while I live in Florida. We had a thing during the two weeks we had during the summer, but when I asked him if this was more than a summer fling, he promised to visit in October. Everyone said it was the stupidest thing in the world, to wait for him, but during the three months apart, we just grew stronger, to the point that he plans to get us a promise ring until he can get enough money to move here (I’m 15, he’s 16. blahblah, I’ve heard the ‘you’re just young and naiive’ speech. If i was so young and naiive, why would I choose such a difficult relationship to be in?) he finally visited in October and whatever doubts I had were gone, I want to be with him for the rest of my life. He has insane trust issues due to past girlfriends, so I know he has never cheated or will ever cheat, and it’s never even crossed my mind. The problem is, we recently found out that we won’t be able to see each other in December like we had been planning, and have to wait 5 months until the next time we can. Ever since then, I feel like he might be getting apprehensive. we used to talk for hours on end on our video cameras on our computers, now he’s being terse and i keep getting annoyingly upset about it. I don’t want to seem clingy, i want to give him the space he wants but I miss him all the time and it keeps breaking my heart when I feel like I might be irritating him by wanting to actually talk, not just talk about how our days have been for one hour then sign off. I know he loves me, but I don’t want to cause him pain if he doesn’t think he can wait the 5 months. Please, I know I should talk to him about it, but whenever I do he says nothing’s wrong. I just don’t understand and I don’t know what to do. Is he bored with me? Or is it something else? Is there a way to make the 5 months bareable?

  10. Me and my boyfriend have been dating almost 4 years. I am 23 and he is 25. He just moved 2500 miles away from me and we have been in a LDR for four months now. I barely get to talk to him as he says he is always busy with work and we are on different schedules. I feel like I am pushing him away by being too needy. I am supposed to find out in about a month if he wants me to move in with him, but I don’t think he is going to ask me. I feel really sad thinking about this because I know that I want to move to be with him. I feel like the effort is one sided (all on me) but I just can’t see myself without him!

  11. I totally love this article…I have been in a long-distance relationship for about 5 years now. It’s really hard to keep together, sometimes I feel as if I am always the one that has to prove to him that I love him because I live in a better, wealthier community. He is in Europe I am here in the states. I feel as if I am being used, but than again when I tell him I can’t keep on sending money etc….to help him and his family, he begins to misunderstand me and just immediately starts bringing up that same old saying, “if I where in you place, everything would be different, I would doo so much for you than you have done for me!”. This brings me down so much. I feel as IF i am being used, but than again, i feel as if he is just having a hard time financially, etc…since he lives in a village in the european mountains….I am european myself, moved here during the war 10yrs. ago. My parents don’t know that I talk to this guy. In my religion they believe in arranged marriage, that is one reason i DON’T mention this to my parents. What should I do? Should I continue to talk to this guy, even though sometimes (almost all the time) ever since I HAD to prove to him that i loved himmmm…by helping him in a big financial situation, now he seems to keep asking all the time, and I just can’t say no. I tell him yes, even though i know that I too am tight on money….? WHAT CAN I DOO?? PLEASE HELP MEEEE!? should i continue to talk to this person or move on? please help meeeee!
    P.S.-HE IS I believe my soulmate! This is just one problemmmm that is keeping me from being meee….PLEASEEEEEEE HELPP!
    BEST REGARDS,
    DONA

  12. I totally love this article…I have been in a long-distance relationship for about 5 years now. It’s really hard to keep together, sometimes I feel as if I am always the one that has to prove to him that I love him because I live in a better, wealthier community. He is in Europe I am here in the states. I feel as if I am being used, but than again when I tell him I can’t keep on sending money etc….to help him and his family, he begins to misunderstand me and just immediately starts bringing up that same old saying, “if I where in you place, everything would be different, I would doo so much for you than you have done for me!”. This brings me down so much. I feel as IF i am being used, but than again, i feel as if he is just having a hard time financially, etc…since he lives in a village in the european mountains….I am european myself, moved here during the war 10yrs. ago. My parents don’t know that I talk to this guy. In my religion they believe in arranged marriage, that is one reason i DON’T mention this to my parents. What should I do? Should I continue to talk to this guy, even though sometimes (almost all the time) ever since I HAD to prove to him that i loved himmmm…by helping him in a big financial situation, now he seems to keep asking all the time, and I just can’t say no. I tell him yes, even though i know that I too am tight on money….? WHAT CAN I DOO?? PLEASE HELP MEEEE!? should i continue to talk to this person or move on? please help meeeee!

  13. My long distance relationship ended about 10 months ago. He was the man of my dreams, and I still love him very much. We were engaged before things fell apart. Unfortunately, we had some miscommunication and he stone-walled me- we were down to talking about 10 mins a week. Then he didn’t acknowledge my graduation (when I was present at his) and I was so hurt I sent back the ring. It was over. But the pain lingers to this day. I don’t know if I will embark on another one, because as rewarding as it may be, I think it may be too

  14. Just wanted to let you know that this is a wonderful article. I am living in Germany for a year away from my girlfriend in the states. Everything mentioned will really help to make this work out.

    Also, for long distance cupples, there is an amazing product to save you expensive phone bills. Its called the magic jack. You pay 40 for the device and 20 a year and its unlimited calling to anyone in the states. Hope this will help someone.

    Thanks again for the great article.

  15. I was in a long distant relationship, which ended a week before valentines day. Im from Australia and he was from Switzerland. We know each other for more than 2 years. He’s been to Australia. I’ve been to Switzerland. He said the distance was too far for the LDR to work. I know he still likes me and still cares about me. Just not enough because of the distance.

    We decided to be friends and we still keep in contact by email.

  16. Well, i recently had a LDR just start, and i live in the states while he lives in the middle east. Me and him both have a lot of things in common. I feel like he tells the truth and according to what he says he wants to get engaged ( I have known him for more than a year, but we just haven’t been this close of a relationship) he is 9 years older than me, he says he would do anything he can to see me, he is a cop/ security for the government in the middle east. He knows his religion really well and obeys it. We talk to each other on windows live messenger, and sometimes i see him and he sees me. He tells me that he loves me so much everyday like 10 times a day and even more. He has had a girlfriend before me and she was 15 while he was 19, but she died in a car crash, he lasted 3 years with her until she passed away he was planning on getting engaged with her. I ask him questions and one question i asked him was if he knew me and her who would he choose to get engaged to and he said me, because he trusts me and i treat him the way he likes to be treated. I love him too much too let go, but hes liked me for more than a year and every time i ask him to be friends, he starts to become upset and explain how much he loves me to become friends with me, its hard for me to ever let go of him and he seems like my future. I love him.

  17. Yeah, me and my boyfriend of almost 1 and a half years are starting an LDR now…it’s been about four weeks now. The first three weeks were easy for me and hard for him because I was on vacation–now the next three weeks are harder for me because he’s starting college and I’m just bored at home. It’s strange because we’re so young, he’s a college freshman and I’m a high school junior. I always think, “What is the outcome of this going to be, because we’re so young?” But I think we are both getting stronger and once we get into the swing of school things will get easier. I like how I get a taste of college life from him, and he is still in touch with our town from me. We are both good humored and we really love each other… and I am looking forward to seeing us grow up together!
    But a few questions:
    How can I keep myself focused on school when I miss him?
    What are ways I can convince my parents to let me visit him, at some point?
    Any tips on resolving fights via email/telephone?

  18. My girlfriend is debating moving away for a year. The distance between us will go from 3 miles to 1,600 miles. We each decided to come up with a pros and cons list, and she had 5 on each, and i have been struggling so hard. We’ve been together for 7 years now and completely loyal and people always say we are the cutest and ask when we’ll get married. But it scares me so so so much. I love her more than anyone and i can’t really think straight enough to make up a list myself. So i came online and of course it wasn’t hard to find pros and cons lists for things, but this was the best one for my situation i’ve seen. I want to thank you for helping me take a breathe and think good and hard about such a long distant relationship.

  19. hi, am into a LDR with a girl, i love her so much and i try my best to please her. I call her and send her text messages 2 to 5 times in a day. Am not working,am a student and she working in her mum firm. She visit me school from time to time and we av been together for 2years now my problem is she hardly calls or text me and some times when she call may she needs my help. Am confused i don’t know if she truely love though she says it every time i call her. She ask me to promise her that i will not hurt her,which i did. Pls i need ur advice. I love her and i want to spend my whole life with her .

  20. hi,i love your article. am into a LDR with a girl, i love her so much and i try my best to please her. I call her and send her text messages 2 to 5 times in a day. Am not working,am a student and she working in her mum firm. She visit me school from time to time and we av been together for 2years now my problem is she hardly calls or text me and some times when she call may she needs my help. Am confused i don’t know if she truely love though she says it every time i call her. She ask me to promise her that i will not hurt her,which i did. Pls i need ur advice. I love her and i want to spend my whole life with her .

  21. I’m currently seeing a guy, we don’t love each other but we are both very fond of each other.
    We saw each other for 2 or 3 weeks and now he’s gone to university, When i’m with him theres nothing I want more in the world then for us to be together. We suggested to wait a couple of weeks or so and then if we want to be an item then we will. However after week 1, I was having doubts because I’m fretting about money, he’s quite flirty aswell which can get me worried and I told him I wasn’t sure. He then suprised me on my door step which was the sweetest thing anyones ever done for me, my head was put into place and everything was amazing. However, now he’s back at university, I’m back to the same old scenario, I feel awful about it cause i truely like him I do. He’s not back till the end of next week which is when we’re going to decide what we’re going to do.
    I know when I’m with him it’l be amazing but I won’t see him much which means there could be quite a lot of doubt in the back of my mind. My head is saying no but my heart is saying go for it because I don’t want to live to regret anything but I’m just not sure.
    Any advice?
    Thanks guys

  22. Hello.
    The article helped me realize what was going on in my relationship. I am currently dating my best friend. He’s been with me through all of grade school, and all of my past relationships, he was the one that cared for me.
    Now we’re separated by the entire country and it’s hard enough to live without my best friend, but now he’s my boyfriend too. He knows everything about me, there are no skeletons in the closet with us, and he knows exactly how I am in all relationships, so I’m very predictable.
    The thing is- right now, I’m confused on whether I want my best friend or I want my relationship.
    Part of me doesn’t want to deal with the issue of being alone, or feeling inferior to him – I’m going to my state school, while he went to MIT. So, that part of me, wants to just be best friends…
    The other part of me, is telling me to stop pushing him away, and allow our relationship to settle and flourish. All of high school, everyone would predict us being in a relationship, and now everyone asks us when we’ll be married. He is my ideal ‘husband’, but I’m too scared I’m not good enough for him?
    The best friend in me doesn’t want for him to be with a girl like me, but the girl in me is thrilled to be with him.

  23. I love this article. When my boyfriend graduates from high school he is going to go to college 4 hours away from me. Even though I’m only a sophomore in high school and he’s a senior, people say we are so mature for our age and distant is risky. We’ve been dating for almost 8 months, and only broke up once. But that’s because neither of us could do a LDR. But, when we had the blizzard storm a few weeks ago, he came driving from work (20 miles away) to see me and tell me that he wants to try and do a long distant relationship if im willing too. I am, i know its going to be hard, but im thinking positive. We both can trust each other 100%, which is very good in any relationship.
    Right now, we’re both on Christmas vacation and he’s 4 hours away, and i might be leaving once he gets back. So the next time i see him will be January 4th. So we will not see each other for 2 weeks. Which will suck, but hey. Got to get used to it, since he’s going to college. Right?
    But, once again I loved this article and I’m kinda excited for doing a LDR, but then i’ll probably regret saying that. Ha, but at least will video chat and have texting and calling each other. And i’ll have a car, so i’ll meet him halfway.
    My tech teacher told me that both of his boys had a long distant relationships and now there both married. So, when people saying LDR don’t work, that is completely wrong. because they can

    -Andrea

  24. I am desperately searching for help with my long distance relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for 16 long months and i’ll admit it hasn’t been easy. Recently i made a terrible mistake that not only hurt the person i love so much, but added extreme hurt and alot less trust in the relationship. Long story short, i cheated on her and she found out. I honestly, truly, love her and see her as my wife someday, but i know realize that this maybe a mistake that will forever lose her. She know thinks that there is someone living with me, which there isn’t and never was, but she persist and swears that i am cheating on her still. She says and swears that she hears this supposed voice when we are on the phone and she hears this voice of female gender no matter where i am, work, home, store, mom’s house or anywhere i go. I admitted to the cheating that i still regret more than anything and i am trying to fix what i did with little or no hope at times because of this “VOICE”. One last piece of important info that i left out, We never met in person yet. So please! Please! i am open to any suggestions on what to do or that will help me salvage what i love.

    • First of all, long distance relationships are always tough. And the fact that you have cheated on her has made things worse. Perhaps (if you can), close the gap by living close to her – not in a way that made you seem like a stalker – and ask her to whether she can accept you as an ordinary friend. Perhaps by starting over and allow her to see you as a new person may allow the relationship to blossom again. This is a long short (50 – 50) but worth a try.

  25. dear author i would like to tell u dat i am in long distance relationship and everything is okay, for the first time in my life i found someone i trully love,trust and wanna every moment with.
    Before we were together but, later i was transfer to about 10km away from her and stil after that she understand and belief in every story i told her.
    We were use each other, there’s nothing about her family dat i dnt knw and mine too to the extent that during some of our conversation my mum will contact her on her own.
    Please all i want is to hold the relationship and never let loose nor break, we do everything together, planned our future together coz she’s fond of me and finally i’m planning 4 a short visit to her place and promise to buy her ‘ring’ she’s so amazing.
    Can u pls tell me what type of gift to present to her and how to keep the relationship strong and sparkle.
    Thanks.

  26. My relationship is wonerful and I and her had a nice relationship.
    Sir i will telling you that i use to be with her before and later i had a problem which makes me to move two states away from, and whth all that stil there’s is no different everything work perfectly.
    Now i’m planning on visiting her and durhng one of our conversation on phone, that night she sound somehow quite and dat’s nt her case coz she’s a jovial person always alife. Hmm every times i love her the more. And i ask her what happens to her but, she say nothin and i told her if there is something i can do to change her mood and she say that i should tell her a tale, then i told her to answer a riddle and she ask me that if she get it right what will i give her and i tell her that i would be coming on a visit and she was amazing then, she ask of other gift and i say i would buy her a ring.
    Now is my gift to her okay or should get another, please update me on how to keep my relationship sparkle and long lasting. I love dis girl so much and i want her to be the mother to my child.
    Thanks.

    • Looks like you know what you want from her. Congratulations on that. Fortunately you are not that far away from her and can visit her quite easily. Keep up the relationship via phone, emails and chat line when you can’t be physically there. DO remember to give her space as well and avoid coming on too strong. What was her reaction when you told her you wanted to get her a ring? Giving a ring usually symbolises that you want to be close to the person. For example, you got to at least have an idea of the person’s ring size. Also, the ring is a personal item it will be on her finger very often. IN your case, if the relationship is going well, the ring will indicate moving to another level. To keep the relationship sparkling, listen with your heart and listen with intent, sometimes it is even mightier than gifts.

  27. Hi I want to share my story but before this article is true. I’m in LDR for 5 years but every 2 years he visit me they are migrating in USA and we almost there to marry each other my family our ok they going to petition me but you know the hardest part of this relationship is if you want to tell your side sometimes your fighting it so hard to explain and it’s painful but all the trials and heartaches I resist it because of love to him and I know he loves me too and I understand him because we are far away that’s why sometimes we react too much but I know someday all this pain will be worth it just pray to god love and trust your partner support him and I believe woman carries the relationship god bless to us stay in love.

  28. i am in a LDR….i have cried so many day…and the only things that made me happy was his email and messages or chating…after 10 mounths he started to ignoring me…..no mails…no messages …nothing…so i decided to forget him….it was hard very hard can say that there wasnt a day that i dont check his face book profile and etc….finally he cames last week and he is going to stay for a mount in our country….he asked me to see each other…i dont know what to dc…should i continue this hard realation ship?? for one another year? i trulley love him and i really miss him….but i think he would bother me again
    but what if we could have another chance to remember each other?

    • 10 months defintely means you are completely out of his life. It’s up to you to decide even if you want to be friends with him but as for relationship, I think you need to put it behind you for now.

  29. ladies and gentlemen……whether distance relationship will work or not will forever be a debate and will depend on the circumstances of each individual’s case……

    BUT i do know that i myself have been in a distance relationship for the past 9years consecutively(just so everybody know, we didn’t even come over to visit each other once in a while, because we could not due to family’s disapproval) ……i’m not going into details about how we maintained our relationship or what we’ve been through…..BUT what i’m going to tell is that me and my girlfriend, in fact, fiancee, are going to get married this year(2013) on 14 December(the day we first met and also the day i asked her to be my girlfriend after knowing her for a year) …… our friends and family are all stunned that how did we even manage to maintain that long and kept our love fire burning hot ……

    well, all i can say is that if u say u love someone then prove it and mean it…..so distance is in your way ?? then (bleep) distance, because that shouldn’t be THE problem but should only A problem…..me and my fiancee used to tell each other that only death AND cheating will do us apart, NOT distance……so to whomever is in a distance relationship, will this work ?? for my case, yes it did work even after NINE (bleep) YEARS CONSECUTIVELY …..so (bleep) distance and just keep on loving if u really do mean it

    i wish everyone who is in a distance relationship all the best.

    remember, true love conquers all(at least for my case)

    • Radeontimer…..your post was probably the most inspirational of the bunch. I accidentally fell in love with someone on Xbox. He is amazing. But things haven’t been easy and I keep putting doubts into my own head. And looking to him to sort them out. Which isn’t fair and I realize that now. And it has frustrated him, and rightly so. I am a very physical person, so never having touched him in person has been difficult for me. I am not sure how much longer I can or should wait for him to come be with me as promised.

  30. i left for iraq 4 years ago me and this girl agreed to do a long distance thing it was amzing she would spray her letters with perfume and all the boys made fun of me for it but i didnt care a week before i was supposed to go home my platoon was ambushed me and my brothers were taken prisoner i was in captivity for 8 whole months and 3rd flyboy squadron came for me i got back to base to get checked out and sent home they gave me my mail bag it was full i read them all on the ride home and now they are all on our mantle in the living room where our kids play i love her to death and nothing will ever change that not distance or some a-hole with a gun to my head some days we sit and look at the letters and we read them and love each second of it

  31. Hi Jasmine, I love your article. I never marry before, and now I have been talking to this lady for more than three years now. Later I discover that she had a child of eight years old, but she never intend to disclose this to me until I found this by myself. Does this mean that she is honest to me or there are many things going on there with her?

    • Well, three years is a long time. If the relationship is promising and on-going for three years, there should be a total honesty. Unless she have a compelling reason not to reveal the existence of a child. You need to find out what is her underlying reasons – could she be embarassed about having a child or could there be some painful memories associated with the child. If the reason is not compelling, then i guess you should reevaluate the nature of the relationship.

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