Honey, We Need to Talk…

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Scenario A:

Woman: Hey, we need to talk!!!

Man: (Uh oh, what did I do this time?)

Scenario B:

Woman: Honey, we need to talk…

Man: (Time to practice my non-listening skills…)

Scenario C:

Woman: You know what… I think we kind of need to talk…

Man: (Oh God, it’s over…)

Men often times aren’t the most intuitive creatures on earth. However, most instinctively know they are in trouble the moment they hear a woman says “we need to talk.”

“We need to talk” is a popular phrase used by women specially when communicating with men. It acts like a female “secret” code which subtly implies that what you are about to listen next isn’t going to be pleasant.

Some possible meanings when a woman says “we need to talk”:

1.) You are in trouble (screwed).

2.) I need to talk. YOU listen.

3.) I have something to whine, nag, or complain (about something you did, known or unknown to you).

4.) It’s over. Bye. (Prelude to the end of a relationship.)

5.) I know what you did. (Yea, your porn collection and the girl you slept with.)

6.) LAST warning. Take the matter seriously. Or else, I’m out of here!

With no doubt, “we need to talk” is the second worst thing a man can hear from his woman (after “I’m pregnant”). Unfortunately, there’s nothing much you can do when it happens. And, there’s also no way of predicting when she’s gonna throw that phrase in your face. I can only tell you this: when it happens, pray hard and hope for the best. Good luck! 🙂

Two Screen Legends for the Price of One

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DeNiro and Pacino Reunited. Two of the finest actors of their generation. Two of my favorites.

This will be their third collaboration. Their first was in 1974. The movie was Godfather Part II. DeNiro played Pacino’s father and appeared in flashbacks. Back then, they were both not so known Italian American actors.

Today, they are screen icons.

They never shared a scene together. Not until 21 years later.
In 1995, they both starred in a cops and robbers thriller, Heat where they shared two brief scenes together.

Between them, they shared 3 Oscars and 11 nominations.

Next year, they will be collaborating again on a new movie called Righteous Kill.

I am looking forward to it. Hopefully, there will be more screen time between DeNiro and Pacino. But I know there will be lots of testosterone-filled moments in the movie.

I can’t wait.

How to Deal with Your Boyfriend When His Favorite Team is On a Losing Streak…

It has been a bad stretch for my favorite team as they have just registered their 6th lost. 6 losses in a row for a promising team that was in the NBA conference finals last season? I find it hard to accept.

And to make matters worse, most girls do not understand the importance of sports to men.

So, for the ladies out there who have to deal with the everyday reality of your boyfriend sulking because his favorite team loses, here are some tips to deal with it.

Ok, one important tip is not to say anything smart like “sports are about wins and loses”. Because, the most likely answer you get (with a grunt) is “Yeah? I know. How about my team wins and other team loses?”

Take the low road and remember, the keyword is: COMPASSION. You are dealing with a very sensitive subject here.

Be there for your partner. It hurts. Like death in the family. Lend them your ears. Let them whine. Help them get over it. Never laugh or chastised them. Never use the word “condolences”.

Unless you want to risk the relationship. Or see a man experience PMS.

Don’t force the issue. If they don’t want to talk about it, fine. Just stay with them.

Divert his attention to something else. Perhaps a hobby that he had neglected. Something which he likes and had not done for a long time like a night out with his buddies or fishing.

Cheer him out. Treat him to a night out. A movie or dinner would be good. Tell him it is his evening and he get to make choices where and when to go. Just make it clear that it is on you.

And lastly, don’t try to understand this erratic behavior. It is a testosterone thing. It just how real men are wired. Those who take their sports seriously. And their team.

26 Going on 40

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I ran into an old friend of mine today. I could hardly recognize her. She had no make up on her face. She has dark circles and puffy eyes. Her hair was frizzy and unruly. She wears baggy T-shirt and jeans.

For one moment, I thought she had a bit part in a zombie movie.

But, hey, she is married. To a lucky guy (I don’t know whether I should use this word or not, but he seemed happy).

I can still remember her statement from four years ago:

“I can’t wait to find a man and get married. Then I don’t have to worry about staying pretty anymore…”

She used to be a gorgeous with jet black hair made for shampoo commercials, dresses well and has a flawless complexion – on any given day.

Needless to say, men crave for her.

Fast forward to four years later. Today. What a big difference!

For you guys out there: if you ever meet a girl who dolls herself up with only one purpose – to fish for a man and get married – turn the other way and run as fast as you can.

Need me to tell you how things will become after you marry her? Sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it?

(If this is not scary enough, imagine how she’s like after having three kids…)

HINT: Marry a girl who enjoys dressing nicely for her own pleasure. That seems like a safer bet, doesn’t it?

Shoe Marks on Toilet Seats

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Two things that piss me off the most about public washrooms in malls across the city are the presence of female cleaners and shoe marks on toilet seats.

Cleanliness of toilets is important no doubt and the cleaners are there to ensure that. But not when it becomes a place where they meet and chat. I even caught one trying to peek at me while I was taking a leak. I kid you not folks. And it’s not even funny.

The other thing that I really don’t get is the barbaric act of treating every single toilet as a squat toilet even in new malls where pristine, clean and shiny toilet seats are new and unseasoned. This is 2008 and there are many uncivilized people running around town.

New toilets seats have scratches and marks left behind by the pressure caused by the soles of shoes. If only there were a device that would automatically jab ones butt when it detects the presence of shoes on toilet seats. That would be cool and I would be laughing. J

Then, there are some uncivilized bozos who smoke in mall toilets.

Guys and Romantic Comedies

Men on the majority enjoy testostorone-filled movies that is chock full of violence, gore and action. When Gladiator hit the screen, it was a huge success with men for all its fight scenes, machoism and ‘honor’ themes.

What is a guy’s take on romantic comedies (romcom for short)? You guys can’t ONLY be watching flicks that you like and leave the women out. I mean, if a woman agrees to watch a ‘guy flick’ with you doesn’t mean she enjoys the movie. It only means that she wants you to enjoy the movie and be happy.

To make a relationship work, and to earn “extra points” from a woman you are dating, watching a romcom is one way to ignite a romantic realtionship. And there’s mothing better than a quiet evening watching a romcom DVD with your date.

Here, I present you my Top 10 Favorite Romantic Comedies:

1. The Lake House

2. 50 First Dates

3. Love, Actually

4. The Wedding Singer

5. Bridget Jones’ Diary

6. Four Weddings and A Funeral

7. Sleepless In Seattle

8. As Good As It Gets

9. Joe Vs the Volcano

10. While You Were Sleeping