Am I In Love With Her?




Mr. K confided in me about a girl he is crazy about. He longs to see this girl all the time and thinks of her all day long. He has known her for 10 years now, since puberty.He showered praises about her and wants her to be his girl friend. Thank you K, for your question.

I do not know how your relationship was with this girl back in school. How did she feel about you then? Have you been in contact ever since? How does she feel about you now? Men are brilliant in many things but when it comes to questions on love and that special someone, they can be a little lost and totally in the dark. I guess that is why they call this phenomenon “head over heels”.

I have been poised with questions like this many times. Boy goes to social function. Boy meets girl. Girl is nice, friendly, and polite to Boy and makes boy feel like a million dollars. Boy thinks about Girl day and night ever since. Boy conjures image of Girl being ‘his Girl’ and fantasizes about being with her all the time. Boy wants to make her happy forever. That is what Boy is conjuring in his mind.

Now, flip the coin over. Does Girl feel the same way as Boy does?

If the feeling is mutual, then, there is a possibility of something beautiful developing. But life doesn’t always work like that. That is why Shakespeare’s Mid Summer Night’s Dream is so real because the person you love may not love you back.

The precise definition for what Boy is going through is known as ‘infatuation’ which the Merriam Webster dictionary defines as “to fill with a foolish or excessive love or admiration”, which is exactly what Boy is going through.

This first stage of falling in love causes an unbearable attraction towards someone. It creates a chemical reaction in the body which makes Boy’s world go round, eyes sparkle and heart beats faster. Boy’s entire existence then depends on the sight of Girl, who triggered these reactions in Boy. As the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, Boy’s attraction becomes stronger.

At this stage Boy will do the most foolish acts imaginable. Infatuation = foolish or excessive love or admiration. Think about this for a moment. Stop conjuring images of the perfect love situation.

Does she know that you exist? If she does, does she care? Does she want you to be the man to make her ‘happy forever’? It is natural for someone who is infatuated to ‘jump the gun’ and have the whole situation blow up in his face.

First of all, you need to move away from the infatuation stage. Get a grip of yourself because, remaining in this stage clouds your judgment and frighten her away. You will come across as a stalker.

Make the initial contact. Test water. Make some excuses to call her. Don’t be too obvious. Then, if she responds well, ask her out for a date, preferably not the run-of-the-mill candle light dinner variety. Maybe something more unique like a visit to the aquarium or trying out a new restaurant [you must go check out the food at the restaurant, then pretend it’s your first time. That way, you won’t make a fool of yourself if the service there sucks or the food is inedible].

From here you will get an idea if she likes you and give you an opportunity to present yourself [yes, like a sales pitch. If you hate selling, that’s just too bad].

You will be able to gauge from your first date whether she is into you [at least some indication – refer to Jasmine’s entry to find out more]. If you can’t gauge, you must be some kind of a block head who have been living in a cave. Man, we are in the information era, where information is readily accessible, so don’t be a lazy dude and do your research.

Well, come back for more tips once you can get to this stage. It is not difficult but for some, it is not easy too. For you, you need to get pass your infatuations. Otherwise, it’s a no win situation.

Wise men say “only fools rush in…”


3 thoughts on “Am I In Love With Her?

  1. Hey Thanks for commenting on my blog and for adding me to your blogroll. It is so interesting that you are writing about love addiction…I am in therapy for it right now! I have several books I am reading. So glad you are bringing this out in the open!

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