The Art of Text Messaging (SMS) – DOs and DON’Ts for Couples In Love

DO send your loved one a text message (SMS):

1.) when you are thinking of him/ her. A sweet note (e.g. I miss you; I love you; Be safe and etc.) always put a smile on someone’s face and make his/ her day.

2.) when you have a feeling that he/she may not wish to talk because he/she is on a tight, hectic schedule (e.g. working night and day to meet a deadline, preparing for an important presentation or examination, and etc.). He/she may not have time to take a phone call from you and chat with you for long. However, a SMS conveys the message that you care about him/her and are moral supporting his/her work. And most importantly, he/she would be thankful that you are understanding and reasonable.

3.) when he/she can use some encouragement or motivation in his/her work. Sometimes when someone is feeling down, slightly depressed, or unmotivated, kind words can magically uplift someone and create positive energy and inspirations. (hint: on the contrary, constant nagging doesn’t work and only makes things worse)

4.) when you have something fun, interesting or meaningful to share (that doesn’t need five SMSes to fully describe – SMSes are meant to be short and sweet). It can be something that you see, listen, eat, drink, buy, or experience while spending time by yourself, with your own friends, or family. This is the art of being away from your sweetheart but yet feeling connected to him or her – healthy distance is good; you don’t need to be together ALL the time.

5.) when you have the urge to apologize to him/her for your hurtful behaviors or mistakes and he/she is NOT by your side at that moment. Three things to take note:

(a) Do NOT use SMS as your tool to apologize just because you are a coward. A SMS merely provides some instant comfort/relief for the person you have hurt before you can make things up or apologize to him/her in person.

(b) Regardless of the seriousness of your “crime” or mistake, an apology in person is still necessary and highly encouraged as it shows your courage to accept responsibility and respect towards him/her.

(c) An one-word SMS that reads “Sorry” is practically useless. You don’t have to go into depth about how remorseful you are. A short “I’m sorry for [your “crime.” e.g. yelling at you and hurting your feelings last night.] is sincere, touching, and good enough.

6.) when you feel like flirting (not because you are bored!) or surprising him/her. Some sweet, casual flirting is harmless and can even spice up a monotonous, lifeless relationship (if used sparingly). Uncertainties and surprises only make our lives that more exciting!

7.) when you are feeling affectionate and he/ she isn’t there with you. A SMS that says “BIG hug” or “SMILE” or “A good night kiss for you” warms heart and is incredibly romantic. (hint to guys: girls love that.)

DO NOTs:

1.) Do not use acronyms, symbols, or secret codes in your SMSes unless you are certain that your sweetheart knows exactly what they mean. Or unless you want misunderstandings or wars to explode.

2.) Do not use SMS to deliver tragic news that cause heartache, stroke, or heart attack. If unfortunately, you do have some horrible news to break, please call him/her. At least then you would be able to prepare him/her mentally and emotionally before breaking the news to him/her and slightly reduce the shock.

3.) Do not send a SMS to cancel a date because that’s highly insulting and disrespectful to him/her, unless you are in a formal, professional meeting or in the space (no air, no sound, right?). I personally find it very hard to comprehend this: When you are sick, barely surviving, and almost dying, sending a lengthy SMS to give reasons (or sometimes excuses) for your absence (on that tiny keyboard on your cute little mobile phone) is easier than making a phone call? Please, help me out here.

4.) Do not send a long chain of hateful SMSes when you are annoyed, angry, frustrated, or merely depressed. Be thankful that he/she isn’t around you at that time and he/she doesn’t have to become your “dummy.” Transferring your bad and hateful energy to someone you love is extremely selfish. Calm down, have some ice cream, do yoga, or sign up for an anger management course or a stress relief workshop. NEVER send hateful SMSes, full stop.

5.) (this one is specially for the guys) Do not ask “life-changing” questions via SMSes when you intend to bring your relationship to the next higher level (eg. will you go out with me on a date; will you be my girlfriend; will you marry me and etc.). If you are crazy about her, head over heels in love with her, or believe that she’s “the one,” don’t you think she deserves to hear those words and feelings from you, personally? Even when you decide to say those magic-three-words (I love you) to her for the first time, you should say it directly to her (on the phone is acceptable). After the first time, “I love you” SMSes are appropriate and encouraged, provided that the verbal ones still dominate. (NOTE: If you do not have “life changing” questions to ask or “three-magic-words” to proclaim but you have some true feelings to share, please consider writing an old fashion letter or email – they are far much better and sincere than SMSes, at any given time.)

6.) Do not use SMSes to manipulate him/her or his/her life. Just because you both are dating or in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have the right to dominate/ control him/her. Give each other some space and respect each other’s privacy. It’s impossible for him/her to enjoy life and time when he/she is away from you or even just to focus on his/her work when you keep sending him/her SMSes every other minute. Be mature and reasonable. Grow up!

7.) WARNING: This is the ultimate, unforgivable crime! Do NOT and NEVER end a romantic relationship via a text message (e.g. breaking up with someone or divorcing someone). This is NEVER acceptable or appropriate, under any circumstances and at any given time. Enough said.

~May you use SMSes spontaneously but wisely to enhance your relationship and send love and sweet thoughts across to the one you love!~