“He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore…”

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Jess: He doesn’t love me anymore… (sobs)

Me: Oh, sweetheart, I’m sure he still does, very much.

Jess: You don’t understand. He used to love me more. Things are just not the same anymore…

Me: Oh, really? When was the last time you saw each other?

Jess: Friday night…

Me: Okay… (What in the world is the problem?! Today is only Sunday…) So did you hear from him yesterday?

Jess: Yea… He called me while having dim sum with his family. And he SMS me before he played basketball with his buddies…

Me: See… he still cares about you. Things are just fine. (So what the heck is the problem?!)

Jess: But he didn’t call me last night! He DIDN’T SAY GOOD NIGHT to me!

Me: … … (Yea… so??!! HUGE crime? Sue him…)

Jess: He just doesn’t love me anymore… (bursts into tears…) I miss him all the time and I love him sooo much… I send him messages whenever I think of him and I also call him when I miss his voice. How could he NOT miss me? (flooding the room with tears) He doesn’t love me anymore… (and, more tears…)

Me: Aaww… poor baby… (sympathetically) you need a hug…

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Okay, “how could he not miss you?” Excellent question – I’m glad you asked! Let me take a wild guess: umm… because you chase after him ALL THE TIME?

Definition for the word “miss”: notice the absence or feel regret at the absence of someone or something. (Oxford Dictionary)

So, tell me – how is he supposed to “miss” you when you are there with him, either physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually, ALL THE TIME? Sounds like a mission impossible you have there for your guy.

Just FYI, sisters: Men love their freedom (and also sports, cars, buddies, toys, play station, and their little caves where they love hiding in occasionally) and “private” space (sometimes he invites the whole world in but intentionally locks you out). So go ahead – shower him with unlimited phone calls, excessive text messages, and sweet but unwanted “surprise visits” to proclaim your undying love for him. He will be sure to escape as quickly as possible to the nearest exit or straight into his cozy little cave, just like a cute (and scared) little lamb hiding from its hunter.

So, calm down, relax, and enjoy your life, while he is totally enjoying his (trust me – when NBA is on TV – you are the last thing on his mind). Take a cooking class, volunteer at an orphanage, learn scuba diving, enroll in a kungfu class, join the Anti-Iraq-War campaign, read a good novel at home, take a hot bath, hangout with your girlfriends, treat yourself a cup of Baskin Robins ice cream, or just take a nap. Go do something by yourself and for yourself. And get a life! I mean a real, exciting, and enchanting life! Don’t make your own little world revolve around his, by making him your “sun.”

When your little world seems like endless fun and magic – much, much more exciting than his – he would naturally be curious and (voluntarily) want to be a part of your world too. Remember the golden phrase and proven theory: Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Pure wisdom. 🙂

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10 thoughts on ““He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore…”

  1. I am 42, and head over heels in something with a man whom I adore … and this is excellent advice. It is so easy to forget. Thanks 🙂

  2. My relationship is done, my ex doesn’t love me anymore after almost a year. I gave it my all now I’m the one sitting here with the crushed heart while he’s having fun not thinking about me and flirting with other girls. Its hard for me to not think about it and it makes me sick to my stomach. I am giving up on love I can’t take the pain I rather be alone.

  3. distance does not make the heart grow fonder
    it crushes it and tears it apart till its no longer capable of taking it anymore which is when it hurts so bad you become incapable of love and shy away from it to keep yourself free from the possible pain.

  4. This feels like it was made for me. I always call and text my boyfriend and it seems like he’d rather be with his boys or working out then be with me because I ask him to come over ALL the time. We’ve been dating for 3 years.

    From now on, i’m going to make HIM text me first, make HIM ask to hang out. I feel like its always me. But I need to find things to do so i’m not always bored texting him just for something to do.

    I’m not going to lose him over something like this.

  5. I think you should not think that way. Give him freedom.If you’re always disturbing him maybe he will think that you’re only a problem so in the future he will not love you anymore. He will find a woman who is so patient and understanding.

    A woman who understands her boyfriend will make his love grow deeper and stronger because he thinks that his girlfriend has trust on him.

    So,don’t so possessive all the time. You can make it!

  6. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year now, and I hate it! It made me more dependent of that phone call 😦

  7. Most women never understand it. Those that do are usually too late or are into their second marriage or something.

    I wish my wife would read this every single day & remind herself about it.
    I dont want to “share feelings” ALL the time, I sometimes just want to read a book or watch TV that’s it! Is that too much to ask?
    Just venting a bit here….

  8. my boyfriend and I were in love for 3 years. we decided to get married at the end of those 3 years. he goes home and when faced with a little pressure from his parents, decided he didnt love me anymore and that he cant marry me. I begged him to stay. That I would make him happy. He replied saying I didnt make him happy even once during those 3 years. I feel so confused and lost. How do I not think of him? My throat feels like it has got this painful lump in it and I am so close to bursting to tears all the time. I am feeling unable to live my life. I feel suffocated and find myself wishing for death so that the pain would go away but I cant show my feelings else my family will know something is wrong and I do not want to make anyone feel bad. I do not want my parents to worry about me. I want to be strong but how can I do that? I just wish I could be free from this hell of a pain. I wish I had never fallen in love.

    • I think he has fallen out of love with you.

      The best thing for you to do now is to find a focus – a hobby, craft or something you can immerse yourself into. Live your life well, enjoy it, treat yourself well. You will be surprise what can happen. The only way to live and show him that he has made a big mistake is to do this. Continue to make yourself better. As the saying goes “If you love something set it free, if it comes back, it is yours, if it doesn;t it never was”. Wallowing in soroow won;t bring him back but would only make him drift further away.

      Try this for at least 3 weeks. Be surprised.

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