Jess: He doesn’t love me anymore… (sobs)
Me: Oh, sweetheart, I’m sure he still does, very much.
Jess: You don’t understand. He used to love me more. Things are just not the same anymore…
Me: Oh, really? When was the last time you saw each other?
Jess: Friday night…
Me: Okay… (What in the world is the problem?! Today is only Sunday…) So did you hear from him yesterday?
Jess: Yea… He called me while having dim sum with his family. And he SMS me before he played basketball with his buddies…
Me: See… he still cares about you. Things are just fine. (So what the heck is the problem?!)
Jess: But he didn’t call me last night! He DIDN’T SAY GOOD NIGHT to me!
Me: … … (Yea… so??!! HUGE crime? Sue him…)
Jess: He just doesn’t love me anymore… (bursts into tears…) I miss him all the time and I love him sooo much… I send him messages whenever I think of him and I also call him when I miss his voice. How could he NOT miss me? (flooding the room with tears) He doesn’t love me anymore… (and, more tears…)
Me: Aaww… poor baby… (sympathetically) you need a hug…
Okay, “how could he not miss you?” Excellent question – I’m glad you asked! Let me take a wild guess: umm… because you chase after him ALL THE TIME?
Definition for the word “miss”: notice the absence or feel regret at the absence of someone or something. (Oxford Dictionary)
So, tell me – how is he supposed to “miss” you when you are there with him, either physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually, ALL THE TIME? Sounds like a mission impossible you have there for your guy.
Just FYI, sisters: Men love their freedom (and also sports, cars, buddies, toys, play station, and their little caves where they love hiding in occasionally) and “private” space (sometimes he invites the whole world in but intentionally locks you out). So go ahead – shower him with unlimited phone calls, excessive text messages, and sweet but unwanted “surprise visits” to proclaim your undying love for him. He will be sure to escape as quickly as possible to the nearest exit or straight into his cozy little cave, just like a cute (and scared) little lamb hiding from its hunter.
So, calm down, relax, and enjoy your life, while he is totally enjoying his (trust me – when NBA is on TV – you are the last thing on his mind). Take a cooking class, volunteer at an orphanage, learn scuba diving, enroll in a kungfu class, join the Anti-Iraq-War campaign, read a good novel at home, take a hot bath, hangout with your girlfriends, treat yourself a cup of Baskin Robins ice cream, or just take a nap. Go do something by yourself and for yourself. And get a life! I mean a real, exciting, and enchanting life! Don’t make your own little world revolve around his, by making him your “sun.”
When your little world seems like endless fun and magic – much, much more exciting than his – he would naturally be curious and (voluntarily) want to be a part of your world too. Remember the golden phrase and proven theory: Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Pure wisdom. 🙂