A Man Who Sends Mixed Signals

I found a surprise letter in my mailbox. Yes, I mean a handwritten, old fashioned two-page long letter, delivered to my house with care by the mailman. (Yes, don’t be overly surprised – some people do still write letters nowadays.)

It was from a guy whom I hadn’t spoken to in three months, ever since I moved to another state.

In the fully written two-page letter, he listed eight “wonderful and rather unique” qualities he had observed in me (in eight separate paragraphs). It was an extremely well composed letter – no spelling or grammatical errors.

I have to say I was quite touched (and flattered) by the kind words in his letter. Yet, I couldn’t help but laughed out loud after reading it.

That wasn’t the first time he did something “like that.” Sending mixed signals. Being all confusing. “Toying” with my emotions. Trying to pretend that he’s Romeo.

This happened to be the same guy who sent me roses to my work place on my birthday. The same guy who asked me out on a date on Valentine’s Day. The same guy who took me to his company annual Christmas party. The same guy who brought me home on Thanksgiving to meet his entire family. The same guy who told me I was wonderfully unique and every man’s dream-come-true.

Coincidentally, he was also the same guy who told me he wasn’t sure if he “loves” me or “likes”me. The same guy who wasn’t sure if we should be more than friends. The same guy who disappeared on me for no apparent reason for three whole weeks. The same guy who told me he needed some quiet time with God so he could get a definite sure “yes” from God to date me. The same man who told me he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a “serious” relationship.

The funniest part of all: till now, he kind of believes that my entire world is waiting for him and my life happiness solely depends on his existence.

Perhaps that’s why he felt obligated to check on me from time to time, by surprise… (Let’s see if she’s still alive without me in her life…)

The fact is: I have moved on long, long, long time ago. He is as ancient as a dinosaur to me.

An intelligent woman simply does not put her life (and happiness) on hold because of a man. Especially not a man who is wishy washy and not “man” enough to make up his mind.

My sincere advice to all women: If a man cannot seem to decide if he wants you or not (sending all sorts of mixed signals and acting indecisively), go ahead and make a decision FOR HIM.

He does not deserve you. Wave your hand at him and say goodbye forever. Do not invest another second on him. Do not look back. As simple as that.

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20 Responses

  1. I have a question though… why is it perfectly normal for a girl to do so, but not for a guy ? What gives a girl the rights to play games like these… but a guy would have to set the record straight and let her know what he wants ???

    We’re humans too……..

  2. woman playing games? I think sometimes men get sucked into this. Women does pre-selection all the time as to who they want to be with. One moment you think you;ve got her, the next moment things go awry. That may be because she notice inconsistency in your behavior. You may be nice to her but she may have notice that you were not so nice talking to someone else.

    They will only let their guard down if their emotions are well taken care of. You must make them feel that you are the guy who they can relay on emotionally. This is only one facet.

    It’s in their DNA to find the right guy to mate with and they have to ‘play these games’ to protect themselves from being harmed emotionally.

  3. like the first message said he is toying with your emotions he want you at his convenice and want you to disappear when he want (alone time) it’s kinda crazy that they cannot stop and think about what they are doing i mean what if it happen to them or someone they loves like a sister, sometimes its hard to let go but they feeding on u like a prey just get your heart like it was before him and givinh in is easy cause it stops the pain but dont erase the memories and when he tired of you again he does the same thang but each time it gets worse he is not the same person but you are have dignity your self pride and tell him to kiss your ass or if you classy tell him to look at while you walk away cause it aint comming back.

  4. I really liked this post. I’ve made a few experiences with this sort of man. In the beginning I was very unsure because we spent a fun time together and to me it looked like he was into me. But then he started leaving some of my text messaged unanswered or replying really late. At other times he’d contact me again. These situations made me feel bad and I was depressed thinking about what I might’ve done or said wrong. But really, the phrase “An intelligent woman simply does not put her life (and happiness) on hold because of a man” says it all. It’s exactly the thought that gave me the kick to move on. To change my way of thiking and looking at these situations from a different point of view. So now, I don’t care what I might’ve said wrong because I chose to be myself and not act like someone else. If it didn’t work out, well it didn’t. Even if I really liked the guy, he’s not wirth it.

  5. There seems to be a lot of mixed signals and game playing going on nowadays. It is a sign of immaturity and insecurity – people don’t know what they want.

    You have two choices: recognize that the other person just doesn’t know what he/she wants, accept the place they are at in their life and enjoy the relationship at a friendship level without any expectations. Or if you don’t like it, walk away.

  6. Great article. I wish I read this 7 years ago before drooling over a guy for that long when all he’d do is throw me treats from time to time to ensure that I stuck around. Could never make up his mind. Its pretty selfish, and what does it do to a girl- makes her insecure…maybe if I lost weight, gained weight, fixed my hair different etc he’ll be committed. Its actually selfishness or greediness…..he’s not sure what he wants so he keeps it all close, but never gives his all to any of them, boosts his confidence while it keeps you down. For all I know, thats not love. He still does it, shows up seasonally…i miss you, cant live without you, lets catch up….. i want to see you..shares some of his most significant occasions (graduation, etc) with u …..then he dissapears….then shows up then dissapears.. has been going on for almost a century. The game is like.. I like you but theres so much in the world I want to see and at the end of the day when they dont satisfy I want to come back to you…..Its emotionally draining… finally I stopped replying to his calls, emails etc……..I’ve wasted enough of my time. I really like how you put it ” An intelligent woman simply does not put her life (and happiness) on hold because of a man. ” Thankfully I didnt put my life away, but I cant count the amount of hours when I coudlnt work/ do things I needed to do because I was fixated on him…. Interestingly I think I picked up his habits. Id ont really want ot date anyone these days (or havent met him)When we get close, I realize I enjoy their company but dont want a relationship/dont find that spark. I try to make it clear or to withdraw so I dont do to them what another did to me. I’m praying to God to help me find satisfaction within, to be content and happy with myself so I can concentrate on what I have to do and not jump on any tallyho bandwagon that comes down the road.

  7. I just came through a mixed signals experience. One of those guys you hit it off, like him, find him attractive and interesting. There’s an age difference, so he poses the question “Have you ever hooked up with a younger guy before?” The hook up didn’t take place because of timing and the fact that I have never been into sex with anonymous (or close to it) strangers. Yes, I’m one of those freaks who likes to incorporate conversation into a fling and I guess that puts me into the friends with benefits category. He claimed to have really liked me and to be interested in that type of — dare I say — relationship. Of course once it became clear that being friends with benefits meant actually building a friendship and not maintaining an aloof distance where you don’t even exchange email addresses, he quickly lost interest. Oh, and just for good measure, Mr. “Age difference doesn’t really matter to me” tossed in wanting children that I most likely wouldn’t or couldn’t have as the deal breaker.

    I’m still somewhat dazed and confused on when a sexual escapade turned into planning for a future with kids. He might be in for the coveted Mixed Signals of the Year Award on that one!

  8. I know exactly what you mean…I’m going through this as well…He acts like he cares and when I tell him I like him, he says he’s not sure he likes me at all. Really pisses me off. I think it’s time I just walk away.

  9. sorry beonca, don’t think there is supposed to be a video in the first place…

  10. I just walked out of a ( one year) mixed signal relationship and it has been hell for a full year. This guy friend or should is say gay friend has never had a relationship that lasted over 2 weeks, until me. He says they couldn’t deal with his strange ways. When he goes thru his don’t touch me moods, which is most of the time, and I have a meltdown his excuse is “thats just my strange ways”. His family told me that he has never brought a female home to meet his family till I came along. By the way, he is 42 years old, never been married, no children, and has visited bars most of his life. I spent all the holidays with he & his family and all the time he was doing the don’t thouch me one minute and I want to intimate the next minute. His family & friends always comment on his shyness. I have decided he uses his shyness to avoid or capture attention from whoever. He would rather go out with his male friends over me, anyday. But he says we will always be friends no matter what happens even when he is in the don’t touch me mood. I can’t believe I fell for a man like this….and I’m still hoping he will call and say please come back….even though I know it will be the same torture over & over again. I really need help!!!!!!!!!!

    • I think I dated his younger brother, dude was the same way. forever hanging in bars, had a split personality it lasted a year also, but he was great company to hang out with but he was just afraid to commit to me so I chunked him the deuces…. and realized he’s not ready for commitment @ 38yrs no kids I had to keep it moving still searching for that one to be there with me emotionally, spiritually, a protector, & provider. So don’t put yo life on hold waiting on a confused dude. When Romeo is still out there somewhere!!!

  11. Im in the ultimate situation. What makes it worse i cant avoid him as he is my newborns father. You see i had a fling with him wound up pregnant we never dated. But since my baby was born hes out here everyday 2 see her. Always asks how his girls (plural) r doing. Txt me pictures of himself sayin he was thinkin of me. Rubs my legs lays beside me. Dont like me txting while hes here. Make naughty comments when im breastfeeding how he wants some. Took a picture of the baby that had boob in it and said now i need just that shot. But the he talks to with these other girls on facebook flirtin with them. He bought cologne just cause i said i liked it on a man. Hugs me whenever he leaves. Hasnt tried kissing me. Flirts with other women who specially since hes had a baby been makin plays at him. Should i just ask him what he wants? I mean i dnt want to make it awkward. But im tired of the games

    • Cindy, at this moment, he justs wants to be casual. There may be slight hint that he has a little interest in you but it might also be because you are the mother of his child. Perhaps he is still confused as to what he wants right now. Give it a couple of weeks and see how things go.

  12. I have this guy who has had a girl he was in love with dump him for another guy. At first he hit on me. Then i hit on him when we split after only a day or two. He goes hot and cold. And sends tons of mixed signals. I do believe its because he has mixed feelings. I reli have had alot of unsuccessful memories with love. First my family, friends n relationships. Feel im not meant to be loved. But more recently learnt to love myself better than i had. So dont need other ppls love. I get a balance from me and my pet. So then we stayed in touch as friends. I wanted to hang out he agree. We planned a day he changed it due to work. We talked alot lik we did before he dated and split with this other wonderful girl he lasted with several months longer than we ever did. And now it appears with nice caring things i said to him about how much more wort he is than some girl who ditched him for another man he got close again. Txts whenever i do or randomly says how my weeks been. We started working together accidentally. N he sends stares smiles n helps n getting near me thruout work. But hasnt txtd since th day we met up 2 plan our outing n asked me round to his for dinner only to cancel it at th last minute coz hes going out with friends. So now no txts n he acts lik im seperate from work mate but does offer any more dates after work for personal level lik promised me. And changed another date we were meant to be going on our outing without informing me. I know i can do better without. But does he really still like me nevertheless?

  13. No he jus using u, ur something for him to play wit sorry 2 say
    Jus hav more respect for urself and move on he doesnt deserve u

  14. Beautiful! Give him the closure. He is too weak to get it himself. I had to tell my guy i am already dating to give him the closure he owed me.

  15. What a great read! I have been going through the same thing for about 2-3 years with a guy who continues to send me mixed signals. Anyway we had a falling out a few days ago. I said you don’t deserve my friendship or attention anymore. I put him back in his place :) It was hard to swallow, but I will manage as time flows on.

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