Long Distance Relationships…the Pros and the Cons

“Oceans apart, day after day and I slowly go insane, I hear your voice on the line but it doesn’t stop the pain.

I see you next to never, how can we say forever”

Richard Marx’s rendition of Right Here Waiting speaks volumes for long distance relationships.

But, just like other kinds of relationships, I believe long distance relationships can survive if both parties make the effort to keep the spark alive.

If you ask those people who have been in long distance relationships before, they would most likely mention about the tears, the loneliness, the heartaches, the misunderstandings, the sleepless nights, the I-miss-him/her-so-much syndrome, and the long phone calls.

On the other side, successful long distance relationships which ended in rewarding, satisfying partnerships and happy marriages do exist in reality and are no fairy tales.

Long distance relationships aren’t for everybody. If you are someone who ranks physical intimacy over emotional connection, long distance relationships may be extremely challenging to you.

Or perhaps you are someone who treasures spending quality time and engaging in fun activities with your lover more so than having deep, meaningful conversations, exchanging thoughts and ideas, and sharing life experiences together, you might want to think twice before entering a long distance relationship.

However, if you believe he/she is “The-One” you have been waiting for all your life and you couldn’t possibly imagine finding someone else who touches your heart like he/she does, I would say: Be brave and go for it – don’t let the distance stop you. After all, it’s better to find out the answer yourself than to wonder about what-ifs or regret later in your life.

Pros:

1.) The passion is more manageable.

Since you don’t see each other often, you are more likely to be able to keep the fire under control. The symptoms of infatuation in the early stage are less severe than an average relationship. You are also less likely to confuse lust with love.

2.) You really get to know someone at a deep, meaningful level and the emotional bonding is strong.

Many couples in a common relationship setting are merely “activity partners” during the courting stage. This is all they do: dine, wine, party, movies, and cuddle on the couch. They might see each other all the time but that doesn’t mean they really know and understand each other deeply. In a long distance relationship, you spend hours doing nothing but communicating, which then leads to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

3.) You learn to appreciate the precious moments you spend together and not take things for granted – the person you love and your relationship.

4.) You learn to be self content but also, at the same time, receive emotional support from the one you love and care.

5.) The both of you can focus on self development/career building. One should never stop growing and learning. Being in a long distance relationship allows you to maintain an active lifestyle and engage in various exciting programs, which will only enrich your life and make you that more attractive and intriguing.

6.) You build a strong trust foundation for the relationship, which is crucial in any relationship. You learn how to control your jealousy and not let your great imagination run wild. If you realize you can’t trust that person, no matter how hard you try or want to, that simply means your relationship is unhealthy to begin with – long distance or short distance.

Cons:

1.) Loneliness/emptiness. Yes, there will be tons of moments when you feel lonely and wish he/she was there with you, especially during those cold nights.

2.) Emotionally stressful. Face the truth, my friend – keeping a relationship alive across the miles is HARD WORK. Whoever tells you otherwise is a liar – don’t trust him and ever talk to him again.

3.) No physical intimacy. No hugs. No kisses. No holding hands. No cuddling in bed. No touch at all. Can you really survive?

4.) Misunderstandings and conflicts are often very challenging when they do happen. Or in some cases, they could even be irresolvable for days, weeks, or even months. Why? Imagine if he/she is upset with you and refuse to talk to you (won’t answer your calls, text messages or emails). Serious communication breakdown. What would you do? What could you do? You are miles away… It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

5.) You won’t be able to be there for each other during unpredictable events or crises, no matter how much you want to or wish to. Of course, you can always make arrangements to accommodate such situations. However, just keep the distance in mind – you won’t be able to be there for him/her immediately.

6.) Financial burden. Anticipate the high phone bills. And also, transportation funds to see your sweetheart, in person.

Long distance relationships can work. However, it takes an enormous amount of effort, commitment, trust, and love to succeed, not to mention mental maturity, emotional stability, and courage.

In most cases, when a long distance relationship breaks down or ends in failure, the couple puts the blame on the “distance.” However, I believe that the “distance” merely intensifies the core problem of the relationship – it itself is not the problem.

It (the distance) allows you to see the true problem of your relationship clearly and forces you to face it … for better, or for worse.