Two Monks and a Woman

After reading Yolanda’s comments about an ex who still lingers in her memory after he had left her about a year ago, I decide to post this story for her:

A senior monk and a junior monk were travelling together. Towards midday, they came to a river. As they are about to cross the river, they spotted a young, beautiful woman. When the woman asked the monks for help to cross the river, the senior monk obliged and carried her across on his shoulder.  He set her down on the opposite shore and carried on his journey with the junior monk without saying a word. The junior monk seemed upset and perturbed by the whole incident.

After a long walk, the senior monk noticed that the junior monk was particularly quiet and asked, “You seemed upset. Is something bothering you?”

The junior monk replied, “We monks had taken a vow of celibacy and are not permitted to have any contact with a woman and especially not the physical kind.  How could you carry her on your shoulders?”

“Hmm, I have left her on the riverbank hours ago, yet you are still carrying her in your mind.” replied the senior monk.

In retrospect, Yolanda, you can choose the path of the senior monk, who had embrace the situation of the moment and continue to live in the present after leaving the woman on the river bank. Or you could be like the junior monk who is still carrying the baggage of the past.

The choice is yours. This is your life. If you put down the baggage, you may move ahead faster and there may be many wonderful things ahead in your life and they are expecting you. Are you ready to embrace the moment and live life to the fullest?

The choice, ultimately, is still yours…

The Men Rules: A Woman’s Instant Guide to the Mindset of Men [Part 1]

The following are a set of rules. These rules does speak for the majority of the male population (men who don’t think so are welcome to comment). Whoever wrote this is brilliant. It is periodically splashed across the internet but I can’t seem to pinpoint to the original author (though I would readily acknowledge his work and his brilliance).

Women who are seeking to know men better would find theses rules helpful. Women who chose to ignore these rules do so at their own risk. All rules are numbered as #1, so I presume they are of equal importance.

1. Breasts are for looking at and that’s why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

[This is the first on the list, so it must be the most important rule. Only a fraction of men will admit to this. Those who do are the real men. Those who don't are liars, are afraid to admit it and try to act "holier than thou". Ladies, stay away from these men.]

1.  Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

[Folks, don't be surprise how much of an issue this could be...]

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of tides. Let it be.

[This is a favorite. Sports is rather sacred to men. Of course, this doesn't apply to fags.]

1. Shopping is NOTa sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

[This is consistent with the above rule. And for men who suffer from self-esteem problems, who need to modify their car to impress girls cos they don't have the self confidence or the looks, modifying your car is NOT a sport either, you loser.]

1. Crying is blackmail.

[This one speaks for itself.]

More rules to come…

Run and Drink

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The Wikipedia defines “The Hash House Harriers (abbreviated to HHH or H3) as an international group of social, non-competitive running and drinking clubs. Hashing has frequently been described as ‘a drinking club with a running problem’, and the social element of hashing is of equal importance to the running.

The organization of the Hash House Harriers is completely decentralized, with chapters (also commonly called kennels) having no formal regional or national offices or leadership structure. There are more than 1700 kennels with at least one Hash in most major cities in the world.”

I have heard so much about this HHH thingy though I have never participated in one. I am not into groupies stuffs especially not when it comes to running in a large group. I would rather prefer to join an army if I want to run with a large group of people. And I don’t drink.

But I do condone the HHH for promoting health through running. Can’t agree with the after-run drinking though.

And the thing that peeved me about HHH is the ‘unenvironmental friendly’ way in which they leave a paper trail. I don’t know about the biodegradability of papers but laying a 1 x 1 inch of paper all over the place isn’t the most civic conscious thing to do. In some countries, laying paper around is called ‘littering’.

Perhaps Hashers could organize around a system whereby the last runner has to pick up all the papers. On one hand, it gives incentive for the group members not to be the last runner and on the other, it promotes HHH as a civic conscious social group that cares for the environment.

As for me, I have a running buddy and we know where we are heading without having to rely on a paper trail to guide us.

That’s all for now. Gotta run.

Important Announcement!

Dear potential daters/secret admirers,

I’m very proud to announce that I am in the process of transforming myself into a Demi-Vegetarian.

For those of you who are scratching your heads and wondering: what the heck is a “Demi-Vegetarian,” this is what I’m turning myself into…

“A person who eats fish (and other things in the world) but not meat.”

If you ever plan to take me out on a date, kindly and thoughtfully take this into consideration before you make any restaurant reservations. (Yup, no steak, no KFC, no hamburger…)

A BONUS TIP for you: Ask me why I have decided to become a Demi-Vegetarian on our date to score points – That is of course, if I promise to go out with you.

(You might want to practice saying “Demi-Vegetarian” a few times before the date, just to make sure you don’t mess up…)

Thank you for your kind attention. If you have any further questions or thoughts, please feel free to leave a comment.

Love,

Jasmine

P.S.: I DO take lobsters. :)

Peeking into the Brains – Man Vs. Woman

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Why I Want a Wife

I absolutely LOVE this article. It was an assigned reading for an English class I took in university. The humor and sarcasm in it are just perfect and brilliant. Enjoy!

“My God, who wouldn’t want a wife ?” Yeah, I wanna get a wife too… Join me? :)

According to the dictionary, a wife is a “woman married to a man.” But, as many women know, a wife is much more: COO (Chief Operating Officer), housekeeper, nutritionist, chauffeur, friend, sex partner, valet, nurse, social secretary, ego-builder, and more. Rather than complains why she herself would like to have a wife.

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am a Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene from the Midwest fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?

I would like to go back to school, so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturing attendant to my children, arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and a change of scene.

I want a wife who will take care of details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to certain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about the things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d’oeuvre, that they helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night to by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have acquired a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.

My God, who wouldn’t want a wife ?

This article by Judy Syfers appeared in the premier issue of Ms. magazine back in 1971.

Boyfriend Vending Machine

Welcome to Year 2008! Introducing the BOYFRIEND VENDING MACHINE – the latest and greatest invention of the century, specially for the ladies…

Ladies, simply follow our easy FIVE-STEP procedure to create your perfect dream boyfriend!

STEP ONE – Basic Information:

a) Select Gender (Yes, recognizing the personal needs of our female customers, we do make “girlfriends” too.)

b) Select Age (due to legal issues, we regret that we cannot make boyfriends younger than the age of 18.)

c) Nationality (you name it – we can make it happen.)

d) Date of Birth (You can choose whichever date you prefer for his birthday. However, due to extreme high demand, surcharges apply to popular dates like Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Day, and Christmas.)

STEP TWO – Physical Appearance:

a) Select Sizes (The size of each body part can be accustomed precisely to satisfy your personal needs and preferences. )

b) Select Colors (All body parts come in a wide spectrum of color choices. Showcase your personal taste and individuality.)

STEP THREE – Personality Traits and Desirable Behaviors:

Now you can have a boyfriend who is affectionate at all time (even when you don’t want sex). He gives warm, loving hugs and sweet kisses whenever you want one. Thanks to our built in alarm function that allows you to set the time and frequency you want a hug or a kiss (or both).

Have other needs or preferences? Don’t worry. Your satisfaction and happiness are our top priorities. With more than 1000 personality traits and behaviors to choose from, we are certain that we can make your dream boyfriend a reality!

And yes, we can even make a boyfriend who cooks! Right now, you can only choose from Chinese, Japanese, Western, and Italian cuisines. We are working on providing you with more menu choices from other countries.

STEP FOUR – Payment Options

We accept all major credit cards and cash.

STEP FIVE – Enjoy your newly created, “fresh-fr0m-the-oven,” and perfect boyfriend.

All products come with a 30-day no-questions-asked money back guarantee. :)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: All of our products are strictly sold to FEMALE customers only.

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